Torchwood Four: Please Remember Me
by queenfluffernutter
Summary: Backstory. Plain and simple - don't want to give anything away that I am saving for later...
1. Chapter 1

The man looked down at his hands, dirty with coal dust. _Another honest day in the mines._

"Hey, Jack!" Someone called from behind him. "Going home to the wife and kids? Or would you rather join us down at the Brick?"

Jack smiled as he turned to face the other man. _My wife. My kids._ No words had ever sounded sweeter to him. "No, Bill, I'll go home to the missus…hardly seen her this week."

"If you change your mind, you know where we are…" the man clapped him on the back and joined the others who were waiting.

Swinging his black metal lunchbox, Jack tucked his helmet under his arm and began the trek home.

Rounding the corner, Jack could just see the top of the house. His house. The house he shared with Emily. Emily and their two (soon to be three!) beautiful children.

He could smell whatever it was that Emily was cooking as he set foot on the porch and was ambushed by a small boy as he entered the door.

"Daddy!" The dark-haired boy dressed in overalls exclaimed, causing Jack to drop the items he was holding and catch him.

Ruffling the boy's hair and giving him a quick hug, he smelled the distinct smell of little boy – dirt and sweat with a tinge of his mother's perfume. _The smell of my son…__my__ son._

"In here!" A female voice called.

Jack walked to the doorway of the kitchen, still holding his son. He watched as the woman fluttered around the room from appliance to appliance.

"What's all this fuss about? Are we having a dinner party?" He crossed to her and put an arm around her.

"Quit teasing!" Emily turned to kiss him on the cheek. "How was your day?"

They turned from one another as Jack made his way to the chubby baby seated on the floor playing with a wooden rattle. Setting the boy down and patting him on the back, he bent to look at her.

"And how is my princess?" He took a seat beside her and was rewarded with a big toothless grin.

"Cutting teeth, thankyouverymuch," Emily replied for her daughter as she set a bowl on the table. "She's been a regular bear. 'Course, all you get is smiles…"

"Don't be bitter because Andi loves her daddy," Jack mock-scolded as he picker her up and put her in the nearby highchair.

"Jack, get cleaned up. Dinner is almost ready." Emily continued putting things on the table. "And take your son with you."

Jack chuckled and looked at his son. "Come on, you heard your mother…"

Smiling, the boy stood to follow his father. Jack could hear the sound of his shoes as he tried to keep up stride. When he got to the door, Jack stepped aside to let the boy in first.

"Daddy," he asked, "how much do you love Mommy?" His large blue eyes smiled, knowing the answer.

_Ahhhh…the game! _"Well, let's see, Thomas, " Jack rolled his sleeves as he talked. "I love her as much as a frog jumps."

"As much as the sun shines?" The little boy watched his father lather his hands.

"That much and more." He smiled at the boy, getting a smile in return.

"Do you think she knows?" The look on his face was so sincere it almost made Jack cry.

"We should tell her, I think." Thomas ran his own small hands under the water.

"Under your nails," Jack instructed, helping the boy scrub.

Thomas looked up at his father, causing the man's heart to leap to his throat. _How can someone love someone else so much?_

"Daddy are the mines safe?" the question threw Jack out of his haze.

"Why?"

"Because Georgie says you could die. He says his uncle died…" the boy's voice trailed off as he rinsed his hands.

"Thomas, I will never die. I _promise_." _Never were truer words spoken._ He ruffled the child's hair again as they walked back to the table, Jack with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, mommy!" Thomas perched himself in his chair.

"Did he wash his hands, Jack?" Her back was to him.

Jack walked to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her growing waist. He put his face in the crook of her neck and gave her a soft kiss. Emily shivered and almost dropped the bowl she was holding.

"You stop that, Jack!" She playfully slapped at him.

"Tell her, Daddy! Tell her how you love her!" Thomas urged, bouncing in his seat. "Tell her you love her as much as the frog jumps, as much as the sun shines! Tell Mommy!"

Emily turned to look at their son, for all the world sitting in a chair doing nothing more than looking like his father. Her heart tugged as she looked from one to the other, noticing how much they looked like clones. "Maybe you should tell me before the boy explodes..."

Jack drew her around to face him, noticing that there was a wider gap between them than before. He reached down to place a hand on her expanding belly and was rewarded with a kick. He looked into his wife's eye, only to find her watching him. He questioned her with only his eyes and she nodded, placing her hand over his. Another kick – this one bringing tears to Jack's eyes.

Yes, it was true that they had already had two kids, but this one thing never ceased to amaze Jack. There was really someone in there - someone Jack had partially been responsible in creating. He looked deep into Emily's eyes and tried not to cry. But it was no use - her own eyes were watery, and he was powerless. Eyes still flowing freely, he looked over to the table and saw both Andrea and Thomas watching silently. Jack motioned for the boy to come and stand beside him. Thomas obeyed and Jack took the boy's hand and placed it on Emily's tummy. His eyes grew wide as the baby poked at the hand resting there.

"Did Mommy eat the baby?" Thomas was horrified at the thought, but was innocent to think anything different.

This brought peals of laughter from the adults in the room. Emily ruffled the boy's hair and put her other hand to her lips in an attempt to stop the laughter. "No, sweetie, it's just growing there…"

"Oh. Can we eat now?" The boy looked from parent to parent waiting for an answer to this new question.

He was answered by a boost from Jack, who carried him to the table, but not before giving Emily one more kiss. "Come on, sit down, I'll get the rest."

Emily let herself be led by Jack to the table, his hand on the small of her back to guide her.

"Jack Harkness, you never cease to amaze me." Emily's words to her husband were sincere. Never before had she met a man like him – seemingly so complicated, but so easy to understand once you got to know him. And how easy it had been to get to know him! The moment they had spotted each other, it was as though there was no one else in the world for either of them.

"Good. I like it like that." Jack took a bowl from the counter and placed it on the table before sitting.

"You were going to tell me how much you loved me?" Emily reminded, catching the look of excitement on her son's face.

Jack put down the spoon he was using and clasped his hands in front of him, elbows on the table. His face was serious as he replied. "I love you more than the sun and the moon. You are my reason for existence, my reason to breathe every breath that I take. Without you, I would wander this Earth alone and without purpose. I love that we share two – no, three – beautiful children that hold so many possibilities in their future. I love the way your hair falls in your face at the end of the day and the way bite your bottom lip and lean towards me when I am telling you things – like now. In short, Emily McGary, I love every little thing you do and every little way you do it."

Still looking deep into the eyes of the remarkable man opposite her, Emily unfolded her own hands and picked up her fork. "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."


	2. Chapter 2

"Jack," Emily nudged her husband, who lay sleeping beside her. "Jack, you have to get up."

The only response she got was the low growl he used when he didn't want to answer her but was forced to react.

"Jack," she tired again, "You need to get ready for work."

"Don't wanna." The man snuggled closer to her, sounding more like a spoiled child than the remarkable man he had proved himself to be.

Emily looked at him sleeping. His hair was tousled in just that way that drove her crazy when she tried to comb their son's. She found herself hoping that the new baby would not have the same hair – knowing it was a pretty slim chance as Andrea's was the same way.

"Jack, really, you're going to be late," she put her hands on either side of his face.

Again he growled. But, this time, he followed it with a soft kiss before setting his feet to the floor. "I'll go – but only for you." He flashed a grin at her and walked into the bathroom.

Jack walked into the kitchen pulling his suspenders on, the smell of coffee drawing him in.

"My two favorite things," he exclaimed, taking the steaming cup from Emily. "Coffee and you – but not in that order."

Emily laughed. "You spoil me, Jack!"

He took a drink and set the mug behind him on the table. Turning to Emily, he saw she had an odd smile on her face. "Are you okay?" Jack could not bridge the gap between them fast enough.

"Fine." She put her hand to her belly. "Baby is just a little excited, that's all."

Jack smiled at her. Since last week, when he had felt the tiny life in her moving for the first time – almost in this very spot, he felt a renewed sense of duty. With Thomas, it had been all so new – a small squalling bundle that Jack had fallen in love with so completely that the doctor had had to tell him to put the baby down, lest he be spoiled. And Andrea. Lovely Andrea with the beautiful green eyes – Emily's eyes. There was a bond between the two of them that was more than fatherly pride. It was more like pride mixed with fear. Jack supposed in time that he would learn; but for right now, cuddling her was the best thing he could think of.

But here Emily was, carrying their third child, and something was very different about this time. Emily had been so sick the first two times that she spent most of her time in bed and Jack had been afraid to leave her. This time was different. Emily was the typical glowing woman you hear about. She had not been sick as of yet, and the doctor had told them that it wasn't likely this late into it.

"You sure you're okay?" Jack took her face in his hands. "Nothing you need?"

"Only you to come home in one piece. I don't know why you have to work in the mines?" She looked deep into his eyes, knowing what his answer would be.

"What else can I do? Work behind some counter? No thank you. I have a family to feed and this is the best way to get that done." He leaned to give her a kiss, but felt her tense. "What?"

Emily wrapped her hands around his suspenders. "Jack, I heard from some of the girls at the mercantile that there was a small cave-in yesterday. Why didn't you tell me?"

His face went suddenly serious. "Nothing to worry about. It was a part of the mine that wasn't being used. No reason to worry you." He shrugged.

"Jack, don't lie to me. I know that it was you and another man. People in this town talk." She challenged him with only a look.

He sighed, of course she would find out. This was a small town. How was he going to get out of this one? He had to think fast. "I'm telling you, it was just a tiny slide. No one was hurt – there was more air in there than they thought. Art's fine. Taking a few days off, but fine." He hoped his words as reassuring sounding as he meant them to be.

Emily's eyes turned to steel and she tightened her grip. "Don't lie to me, Jack Harness. Don't _ever_ lie to me."

A look in her eyes made Jack visibly stumble back. He was at a loss for words, but found that his mouth was trying to throw some out. "I…he…Art…enough…fine…"

"I talked to Art's wife. She said all he remembers is waking up in that mine and see you there, pacing. He thought for sure he was a goner – Jack, he remembers feeling like he was suffocating! Why were you pacing? Why weren't you unconscious?" Emily's tone was demanding, accusatory.

Jack set his jaw and breathed heavily as he looked down at the face in front of him. There were so many times that he had just wanted to tell her everything – how he was not from here, but from the future. How he had met the Doctor and Rose and how he had come to be here – in this time. But he didn't. He couldn't. It wasn't that he didn't love her – it was far from that.

"Emily." The one word stung his tongue. "You have to believe me. I would never hurt you or the kids. I love you all very much." His voice was hoarse as the tears started their way down his cheeks. "I would _never_ keep something from you that I thought was important."

Emily just stared into his eyes, daring him to go on. "You _are_ keeping something from me, though. I _know_. You were different when you came home yesterday. Please, Jack, tell me the truth."

"I am." Jack lied to her face, tightening his stance and glaring, hoping she would stop her pursuit of knowledge.

Emily slowly shook her head and turned form her husband. "I don't know who you are, but I want my husband back."

He was suddenly enraged and grabbed a knife from the counter. "YOU WANNA KNOW?! FINE!"

In a flash, he had stabbed himself in the hand, much to the horror of his wife. Her hands went to her mouth and she was frozen in place.

Jack howled in pain, and then, as she watched, plunged the knife into his stomach and twisted. Another scream, this time, from the both of them and Jack was on the floor, Emily somehow holding his head.

"Jack, what have you done?!" She was sobbing, hoping that all of the commotion would not wake the children.

Jack sputtered, blood starting to come out of the corner of his mouth. "You…know…I…loveyou…"

"Shhh. Don't. Why did you do this?" She talked more to the air than to the man before her. She was petting his hair and rocking him.

"Wait…" his breathing was ragged. His hand closed around the knife, but before he could pull it free, he stopped breathing all together.

The air was still and smelled of copper. Emily swallowed hard, trying to take in what had happened. She would have to go and get someone. But first, she had to pull that thing out.

Pulling all of her courage, she put both hands around the handle and yanked. There was a wet sound as the blade freed itself from the insides of the man she loved.

Standing, she dropped the knife into the sink. She looked at it for a moment before deciding that she would have to clean up this mess. Pushing her hair back and taking a deep breath, she poured a bit of water in the basin and picked up the blood-covered knife.

Emily was crying as she plunged her hands into the water. How could the man she loved do something so wrong to her? She was still in shock – how would she tell the kids? Well, Thomas – Andrea was too young to remember him. And the baby. Her head hung in exhaustion just thinking about it.

She was still thinking about these things and planning what she would do now when she felt the arms encircle her waist. She had not realized she had been holding the knife still until that moment, but she found herself brandishing it as she turned.

Emily found herself face to face with her husband, who was not dead – not dead at all – despite the fact that she had just watched him stab himself. She had held him in her lap until his last breath.

Daring, she reached to touch his face. "Jack…"

The face softened into a smile as he answered, "Careful, you could hurt someone with that thing…"

The knife dropped to the floor and she embraced him as tightly as she could, crushing herself to him.

Jack clung to her as tightly – he could feel the baby moving around, an attempt to get Emily to quit smashing it tighter and never felt more alive. Emily was opening sobbing - a sound Jack hated more than any other, begging him to be real and not a delusion.

Her pleading was too much for him and he drew her closer, bending to whisper in her ear. "Emily, my darling Emily. Do you believe me now? Do you believe there are things I can't tell you about?"

"I do." Jack was reminded of their vows as she spoke. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me anymore – I don't think I want to know…" She put her hands, palms flat on his chest and pushed herself away from him. There was a mix of fire and love in her eyes as she calmly told him, "I swear to you Jack Harkness, if you ever do that to me again, I _will_ find a way to make it permanent, mark my words. Now, help me clean up this mess – you don't need to be late for work."


	3. Chapter 3

Thomas had seen him

Thomas had seen him. He was standing in the doorway when it happened, but he slipped away from sight when Emily advanced on him.

Jack had stabbed himself in the hand and Thomas had had to cover his mouth to keep from screaming with his father. And what came next, Thomas never expected, yet he could not turn his fearful eyes away. Jack had plunged the very same knife into his belly – this time the scream the boy tried to hide came out; it was covered by his father's own screams and his mother's shriek.

Thomas had not waited around to see what happened after that – he took the stairs two at a time and hid underneath his sister's crib. He lay there crying until sleep had taken him back into its arms.

The second time Thomas awoke, he walked carefully into the kitchen, fearing seeing his father still lying there. But that wasn't the case.

Emily was on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor, pausing only to push her hair from her eyes. Andrea crawled happily beside her mother, splashing in the water.

"You almost slept the morning away, sleepyhead. Are you feeling okay?" Emily stopped scrubbing and looked at him.

"Where's Daddy?" The boy rubbed his eyes, believing the events of the morning had been nothing more than a bad dream.

"Work – where else would he be?" Emily turned back to scrubbing.

Thomas walked to the table and sat in his chair. He was _sure_ he had seen his father this morning. There was no way that had been a dream.

"You're breakfast is on the stove under the tea towel," Emily didn't look up this time as she spoke.

Thomas climbed back down and went to the stove. He had pulled the plate down and walked back towards the table when his eye caught something. There was a spot of something red on the table. The boy dipped his finger into it and brought it close to his face. It was sticky and starting to turn a rusty color as it dried on his finger.

He sucked in a breath, causing Emily to lift her head and look at him.

"What's wrong?" Emily stood on her knees.

Thomas quickly hid his hand under the table. "Nothing."

She had barely turned around and he was looking at his finger again. He may have only been five, but he knew what blood looked like. He had fallen and skinned his knees enough.

The small boy, knowing now that the morning's events had not been a dream, set about eating his breakfast while thinking of a plan he would be sharing with Georgie later.

Jack was still shaking as he set off for work. He hadn't meant to do that to Emily, but she just wouldn't believe him any other way. To be fair, she had shocked him with her reaction to him being alive. But that was Emily for you – always calm in the face of fear. Jack silently hoped their children would take after her in that respect. He was still terrified when faced with such things – despite the fact he actually had nothing to fear.

"You okay, Jack?" He was suddenly aware of Georgie's father, Frank, standing near him.

Jack shook the thoughts from hid mind and fixed a smile on his face before turning. "Yeah, Frank, just thinking about Emily."

The other man clapped him on the back. "That's right, the baby is due soon, huh?"

Frank watched his friend's face soften. One thing was for sure – for all the coal the man could haul, for all the tireless hours he worked, the man who had somehow survived unharmed when Art himself was _still_ fighting to recover fully – loved his family with all his heart, that much was apparent by the look he got in his eyes if someone were to mention Emily or the kids. There was a spark there no one could deny.

"Still a few months yet, actually."

"You excited? Or is it just Emily?" Frank was remembering when Georgie was born – his own son had been a blessing – he and his wife had waited so long for him.

"Yeah, I guess we are." Jack chuckled to himself. "Thomas is the funniest – he asked us the other day if Emily had eaten the baby."

Frank shared the laugh. "That sounds like Thomas! Did you hear the new scheme he and Georgie have come up with?"

Jack's demeanor changed; he was obviously relaxed with the man who was matching pace with him. "You don't say." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Oh yeah – they got the idea from Mister Osmonivich to grow some veggies and he'll sell them at the mercantile for them. The two of them were begging me for green potatoes to plant…"

"That's my boy!" Jack felt a swell of pride as he thought of how much like him Thomas was. He could see the two of them together running their own scams when the boy was old enough to understand what the truth was.

"That he is…" Frank answered his friend as he put his mining helmet on.

"So, Thomas, we gotta think of what we're gonna do with all the money we're gonna make from all this farmin', " Georgie said, sitting down on the porch with a thump.

Thomas looked over at his friend, squinting his eyes in the sun. "I'm bored with that, Georgie. Vegetables are dumb."

His friend stared at him, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Thomas! I thought we had a good plan. We was gonna be rich!"

"Georgie, I have a better idea." His face was a serious as his father's at that moment.

"Better than vegetables?"

"Way better!"

Georgie's eyes widened, "Like what?"

Thomas leaned closer to his friend and whispered conspiratorially, "Georgie, I have a secret, but you can't tell _nobody_…"

"Nobody?"

"Yes, nobody! You have to pinky swear."

Georgie locked pinkies with his friend and they shook hands.

"Okay, Georgie, I gotta tell you this a-fore I chicken out."

"What?"

"Really. You gotta promise you won't tell NO-body!"

"I already picky sweared!"

"Yeah, only you can't even tell your mom or dad."

"Why not, Thomas?"

"Because they'll try to stop me – they won't believe me. My mom didn't believe my dad. But it was true, Georgie, just like my daddy said."

"Oh." Georgie tried to act like he wasn't as interested as he actually was.

The boys sat in silence staring straight ahead until finally Georgie broke the silence. "What're ya gonna do, Thomas?"

"I'm gonna show you that I can't die."


	4. Chapter 4

Thomas finished telling Georgie the plan and looked seriously at his friend

Thomas finished telling Georgie the plan and looked seriously at his friend.

"You can do that?" Never, in all of Georgie's short five years. had he heard of anything like that.

"Maybe you can't – but _I_ can."

"How do you know, Thomas?"

"Simple," the boy brushed a stray lock of hair from his eyes. "Everyone tells me I'm like my dad, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well – he can do it – if he wants."

"Nuh-uh, Thomas! You're telling a big lie. My momma says little boys who tells big lies are only hurting themselves."

"I'm not lying, Georgie! And besides, I told ya – I can't get hurt." Thomas stared, unflinching, into his friend's eyes, daring him to say anything more.

In the end, it was Georgie who broke away first. "I dunno, Thomas, it sounds dangerous."

Thomas crossed his arms across his chest like he had seen his father do. "Not for me. Are you going to watch or not?"

There was a long silence as the boys looked at one another.

Emily watched from the kitchen window as she washed dishes. She could see Georgie and Thomas talking, but, because they were whispering, couldn't tell what was being said. _Probably some new plan – those two are always up to some thing or another._

She watched as the two linked pinkies, a smile coming to her face. Her son – so much like his father, from the way his hair hung in his eyes to the way he crossed his arms and stood. Such a serious boy. Emily found herself hoping that he would not chose to do something as dangerous as his father did. Such a thrill-seeker, Jack.

The boys had now moved off the porch, presumably to go and play in the side yard, maybe trying to find a spot to put their vegetable garden. Emily wiped her wet hands on her apron and went to Andrea in the high chair.

Jack was tired. It always took a lot out of him to regenerate. Maybe he _should_ have stayed home instead of going to work. Good thing it was quitting time. He waited for Frank outside, wanting to talk to him.

It was a brief moment before his friend appeared. Jack waved to him as he approached.

"What's going on, Jack?" Frank wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand.

"Nothing much. Just thought that you and Sarah might want to come over tonight. Emily was just saying this morning that you guys don't come over enough."

"Sure, Jack, I'll talk to her. I reckon the hens need to talk anyway." Frank laughed a bit.

"Great, I'll let Emily know." Jack felt a little better as he turned from his friend. The episode from this morning had left Emily a bit shaky – having Sarah come over would reassure her.

He walked home alone, hanging his head as he did so. When he got home, he would act as though nothing had happened, see what Emily would say – let her decide when and if to talk about it. Knowing Emily, she would let it go. That was one thing he could say for his wife. She bounced back pretty fast. Why, when her own father had died last year, she had only shed a few tears. When her mother followed him in the next month, he hadn't remembered her crying at all. She told him she had been all cried out and that it was better to just move on – so many people who were still alive that needed tending to – after all, they were beyond help.

He was smiling to himself as he came up over the hill as he did everyday. He could see the boys playing in the side yard; hear the rumble of the train as he did everyday at this time. Emily was on the porch with Andrea waving at him. Jack waved back at them, smiling. Andrea was bouncing in her mother's arms as she recognized her father. He could always count on her to give him a big smile. He looked over at the side yard to the boys and found he could not see them. He searched for a moment before he noticed Georgie standing at the fence looking at the tracks, not finding Thomas beside him. Emily was still looking in his direction when Jack found his son.

Thomas had somehow gotten on the other side of the fence and was standing on the rails – shouting something to Georgie on the other side. Jack flung everything he was holding aside and started the sprint toward his son. The train was roaring toward him, but the boy acted as if he couldn't hear it. What was wrong with Thomas? He was standing there with his arms outstretched, now turned to the engine.

Jack's legs could not work fast enough. Emily's eyes flicked to see where Jack was running, not understanding. Seeing Thomas on the tracks, Georgie clinging to the fence, she screamed, almost dropping Andrea.

The train was coming closer and closer. Jack yelled out his son's name. "Thomas!"

The boy turned to his father to smile and responded, but Jack never heard the words – the train was too loud, the blood in his ears causing his heart to beat to fast. "Look, Daddy! I'm _just like you_!"

If only he could just jump the fence and knock the boy backward…

The train reached the boy before his father could. Thomas was knocked back by the force, his leg being thrown under the wheel as it happened. Georgie found he could not tear his eyes away. Jack noticed and, not being able to get to his son, grabbed the other boy from the fence and held him to his chest until the train had gone by.

Emily had somehow closed the gap between them, the baby still on her hip. Her mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water. Wordlessly, they passed Georgie between them and Jack went to climb the fence. It seemed as though hours had passed, but it was only a few seconds.

Jack finally got over and went to where Thomas lay. His eyes, the eyes that Jack had looked into the moment he was born and saw himself, were staring upward, no light behind them. He drew in a breath and screamed. Why his son? He looked over at Emily and back down at Thomas.

"Thomas, son," he pleaded with the limp boy in his arms, "Please talk to me…"

He knew there would be no answer, but he shook the boy. Still nothing. Where his leg should have been, there was nothing; nothing but a stump and lots of blood. Jack got to his feet and walked slowly to the fence. He looked pitifully at Emily, who still held Georgie to her front, Andrea now on the grass beside her mother.

"I'll be right there. There's an opening just down there I can go through." Jack told her something she already knew, but what else could he say to her now?

The walk down the tracks was worse than anything that he had ever done. He clutched his son to him tightly, not wanting to believe that this was more than a dream – a nightmare.

He got to the porch and found Emily was already inside with the children. Carefully, he placed Thomas on the bench and sat beside him, pulling the boy's head into his lap. He smoothed the boy's hair back and closed his eyes.

Jack stood at the side of the grave, Emily by his side. Andrea was sitting on Sarah's lap. They looked into the hole at the plain pine box inside it. Emily was sobbing, clinging to her husband. Tears streamed down his face, clouding his vision.

Reverend Stone spoke. "Thomas Gray Harkness was well loved by all who met him…"

Jack could listen no more as questions sprang into his mind. Had Thomas been there to see what had happened that morning? He had not talked to Georgie right after, and would not be able to as he had very quietly slipped Retcon into the glass of milk Emily had given the boy to calm him. He would never know what his son had said – never know exactly what had made him do it.

The worst part about all of this was knowing what had to happen next. It tore at him inside. He had talked it over with Frank, telling him that he was going to go and join up with the Air Force. He had decided already that he was not going to tell Emily – he had the note written already. That night, he would leave her the note and slip quietly away. It would be the best thing he could do for his family.

Frank had tried to talk him out of it, but Jack had explained his reasons. When it was all said and done, it had made sense to both of the men. Frank agreed to look after them – he and Jack were best friends, after all. Jack looked over at him now and the men exchanged a knowing nod.

It was night, and Emily had cried herself to sleep, just as Jack had known she would. He couldn't blame her though. If he had been going to sleep, he would have done the same. He had caused his son's death – just as he had lost his brother. It was stupid of him to think that anything good would happen. He should have known better than to get comfortable.

He finished packing his bag and got his coat from the closet. Placing the note he had written to Emily on the table, he turned to look at the empty high chair. Andrea would be better off without him – so would the new baby. The new baby. Jack thought wistfully about that. He wanted desperately to be there for the birth, but was sure that it would only being more heartache. Better to get out now. Emily would be fine – she always was.

Quietly closing the door, he waited until he was on the steps to put on his boots. No use waking Emily now, she would find him gone soon enough. The walk he took up the road into town was the hardest one he had ever made. He didn't notice that he was crying.

Emily had heard her husband walking around in the kitchen, but had pretended to be asleep to make it easier for the both of them. She knew he was going to go. Her grandma had always said she had the second sight. She had had a dream a few nights before that he was going to go. Thomas had come to her and let her know; told her that she would be okay.

When she heard him step off the porch, she tiptoed into the kitchen and found the note propped against his miner's helmet. She sat, shivering and opened it, reading aloud.

_My Dearest Emily,_

_You must know by now that you are the love of my life. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I feel that if I stay only bad things will happen. As long as I can remember, everything I have ever loved or cared for goes away. I can't watch the same thing happen to you – to the kids. There are so many things that I wanted to tell you but could not, for reasons of my own. Please don't worry about me. I have to do this._

_Give Andrea a kiss for me. Know that I will never forget you. Any of you. I will think of you daily. You'll be my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night._

_I love you,_

Jack

Emily put the note back in the envelope and propped it against the helmet where it had been before padding back to bed. She was sure when she awoke all would be fine. They always were.


End file.
